From the contest website:

The Military mom

She’s either far from home, the wife of a soldier, or works at home on her own to support our troops. She is a hero to her kids.

The Working mom

She works away or at home, all the while managing to balance career and family. Quite a feat.

The Single mom

She’s raising her child alone, whether by circumstances or by choice. Whatever happens, the buck stops with her.

The Adopting mom

Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.

The COE “Chairman of Everything” mom

She’s the “soccer mom.” She gave up her career to raise her family. Chauffeur, cook, tutor, nurse — she does it all.

Now, perhaps you’ll think, as a stay-at-home mom, I fit in the last category.  And mostly, I guess I do.  I know I do it all in my house!  But the part I take exception with is, “She gave up her career to raise her family.” I didn’t.  I didn’t go to school to become a health-care professional and then decide to stay at home.  I didn’t turn down an executive position at a Fortune 500 company to raise my kids.

I didn’t give up my career — I am hard at work in my chosen career.  My career of choice is, always has been, raising my children and tending to my family’s needs.  I am not perfect at it, I sometimes feel weary from it.  I have a lot to learn, and I have a lot to teach.  I am not putting aside something else to pursue staying at home — Staying at home has always been my goal, and I will not retire until my children are autonomous responsible adults (seems like a long way away, as my oldest calls me to wipe him….)

This year, my answer would be the same (oh, who are we kidding? It *is* the same — He’s got to be the hardest person on earth to shop for!) But one difference…. Oh don’t worry, he’s definitely going to get lucky!

I read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands a couple of years ago. At the time, I wasn’t in a good place for “Chapter 6″ (the s-e-x chapter). I had a young toddler, a newborn, and a case of vaginismus that prevented even the use of tampons. I read and enjoyed the entire book, though, and felt that our marriage was better every day because of it.

About a year ago, I signed up for Dr. Laura’s podcasts and I listened regularly. Hearing so many stories of marriages that had been helped by following the advice in the book and Dr. Laura’s frequent jokes about getting all million orgasms in life to which you’re entitled, I have really rethought my views on sex. The vaginismus resolved itself (thank heavens!) when my youngest stopped nursing, and I began to take a more active and interested role in our sex life. Go figure, it improved exponentially! (Gee, imagine that!)

So, last year, I would have considered being a willing and interested sex partner for my husband was such a treat that it constituted a birthday gift. This year, I realize that sex should be a thrilling, but regular and ordinary, part of our lives. To give “just sex” to him as a gift is tantamount to wrapping up his toothbrush (the one he’s been using for three months, not a new one!) and presenting it to him, or giving him a shirt from his closet. Even if that’s his favorite shirt, and he’s loved it for years, it already rightfully belongs to him, and should be a regular part of his life.

Oh, trust me, he’ll definitely “get his chuckles,” as Dr. Laura might say (and I’ll get mine, too), but it will be as expected a part of his life as putting on his old running shoes or going for a walk with our kids, not a gift to look forward to only on special occasions. We are happier in our marriage for it, and that means our family is happier as well. The only downside is…. I STILL have no clue what to buy for him!

Oh well! Happy birthday anyway, Sweetie!

Of course, infant carseats offer fabulous safety for our little guys, and are certainly a justified purchase.  A carseat approved for the age of your little traveler is necessary for each and every trip in the car, no matter how long or short.

That said, I will now say that I am saddened by the number of children I see in carseats that, well, aren’t in cars.  I will acknowledge that in perhaps 10-15% of cases, it’s a situation in which I would make the same choice.  What worries me are the rest of the cases.

It pains me to see an infant crying in a carseat perched on a shopping cart while a mom mindlessly shakes a rattle or coos at the baby as she’s focusing on reading a nutrition label or searching for the right lipstick shade.

A cry is the only means of communication an infant has to alert you that all is not right in her world.  Don’t discount that, ignore it as just a nuisance.  Acknowledge her, let her know that you want to make it better for her.

Small Fry was an extremely “cry-ey” baby.  She wasn’t colicky, she was just what I termed “sensitive.”  She would cry because she was a little warm, a little cool, her blanket came off her feet, or — I kid you not — her hair was not laying along its natural part.  I spent many days frustrated with her crying.  I knew I needed to get out of the house, had to run errands, or just be around other people who didn’t poop in their pants.  Even though when I held her, she still cried, I still held her.  When something, anything, was not right in her world, Mommy was right there (possibly ready to snap, but there….)

Of course, I should mention that we didn’t have an infant carseat for either Tater Tot or Small Fry.  We used a convertible carseat that was approved for infants over 5 lbs.  We made that decision initially because of limited finances and because we suspected our spuds would outgrow them quickly (we were right — neither of our kids fit in the height or weight limits of the carseat carriers past 5 months old).

There were times when I thought, Golly, I wish I had an infant seat!  Most of them revolved around sleep, like when we were leaving the grandparents house late with a baby who’d fallen asleep hours earlier.  It would have been nice to let him sleep in the carseat, and just move the carseat as needed.  There were a few rain- and snow-induced longings as well.  No one wants to have their posterior sticking out the back of a sedan getting soaked (or, heaven forbid, hailed on!) while coercing a wriggly baby to hold still.

Some of my sweetest memories, though, involve times when I lifted my tiny baby from his seat and secured him in his sling, cooing to him as he nestled against me, him sighing softly; and my daughter!  Fiesty little thing!  She always hated sitting or lying still anywhere that wasn’t with me.  (We still have issues with her going to sleep…)  She would have raised hell if I’d tried to keep her in a carseat for one instant longer than necessary.  Actually, come to think of it, she DID raise hell for her whole first year every time she was in her carseat.  I had forgotten that until just now — I must have blocked it out.

These babies who spend their infancy in carseats…. I think they miss out on so much.  All of that time is time that could be spent cuddling, interacting with the world.  Every experience that our infants have create new synapses in their brains, and I think we owe it to our children, even the youngest ones, to do all we can to help them develop these neural pathways.

Mr. Potatohead and I were very active, out in the community, even when our spuds were tiny.  We’d laugh as I’d spill something I was eating down the back of our daughter, or as our son, not even 4 months old, seemed to be trying to take a drink of my soda or a bite of my steak every time I moved.
We lived, at the time, in a town that was filled with young families.  More families had an infant than didn’t, and it was so rare that we would ever see another infant “out in the wild,” as we teased.  Our kids were always in our arms or in slings until they were old enough to sit up by themselves, at which point, they’d ride in the stroller every so often.  They still would be mostly sling-held until a year and a half old.

Mr. Potatohead once observed the sheer number of people passing around us at the mall with infant carseats on wheeled carts, attached to travel systems, or just being carried like a basket.  While some of the children slept, most were awake, looking for interaction.  He remarked, “It’s amazing what so many people do to avoid having to actually touch their baby.”

We do know, in general, people don’t try to avoid interaction with their children, but I do know plenty of moms who buckle their infants in the carseat after breakfast to go run errands.  Baby comes in and out of the car with Mom, but stays in the carseat through errands, mall shopping, grocery shopping, and dining, and only comes out for diaper changes or maybe feeding (I do see a lot of bottles being propped up in the carseat so that Mom doesn’t need to actually hold it, though).

If you see yourself and your baby in this, consider taking this as a challenge:  For the next week, pretend you don’t have a carseat carrier.  Treat the infant carrier just like it was a semi-permanent fixture in your car.  Just don’t forget to take the infant with you wherever you go!  Try using a sling or just holding your little spud while you run errands.  Getting crabby?  Have a drink after you’re home for the day!  If the infant’s getting crabby, well, call it a day, and finish your other errands tomorrow.  No need to do everything all at once.  Making compromises and concessions is just something we need to do as parents.

Within a week of carrying your child close to your body, you may find that you are closer to her, that you understand better what she needs, what she feels.  When you start using the carseat as a carrier again at the end of the week, I wouldn’t be surprised if you find yourself using it not even half of the times that you would have before.  While you’ll probably still use it to avoid inclement weather, or to keep a sleeping baby asleep, perhaps you’ll not be able to keep from scooping up and snuggling that wide-awake baby — the world’s more fun for everyone when babies get to participate in it just a little bit more!

• Put your hand in!
• Put your foot in!
  and so on.

When you are trying to teach right from left, pick one side or the other for the whole song. Do it again later with the other side, to really “drill” left or right.

• Put your right hand in!
• Put your right foot in!
• Put your right ear in!
• Put your right knee in!

See how silly your funny preschooler can be. Tater tot has come up with some pretty funny versions — I liked his “Put your right hair in!” Is your spud still having trouble knowing which side to use? Try putting a sticker on the hand of the side you are currently singing about, and remind him that his right side, for example is the stickered side. He’ll get it soon!

• We all clap our hands!
• We all touch our toes!
• We all sign “I love you!”
• We all jump up!
• We all blow a kiss!

Tell Mrs. Potatohead other fun versions you and your kids create.

<Excuse me, I have to help Small Fry don a Tinkerbell costume. Be right back!>

So, I spent Easter day tucked under a blanket, napping on the couch, and periodically pretending to smile at the kids as they played with Easter goodies. Yesterday, I felt somewhat better, but kept choking as I went to sleep. I finally got up at 1am to use the Neti pot. When I came back to my room, I started to get into bed, and realized there was already something there. More specifically, someone. Apparently, while I was having issues with sleeping, Small Fry was having issues of her own. Mr. Potatohead had rescued her from coughing and crying in her bed, and brought her into us.

Meanwhile, after my own brush with death (too extreme? Okay….) discomfort, I wasn’t feeling very sleepy. I nudged Small Fry over, and got into bed. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, Small Fry gazed at me with this look of adoration, this look that just said “Thank you for taking care of me!” She tucked her hands under her chin in the most endearing of childhood blissful poses, yawned and drifted off. I stroked her hair, and just enjoyed the view. My precious baby, breathing easily now; my husband, visible to me over her shoulder, who didn’t hesitate to bring our daughter to our bed when she most needed the company. This was the reason we decided to invest in a king sized bed years ago. Our PotatoBed, sized for sharing when needed.

Small Fry slept fine for the rest of the night. She woke up this morning ready to play, and has barely coughed since. I am, however, working tirelessly toward emptying my third tissue box of the week. Tinkerbell Small Fry is dancing to songs sung by Tater Tot, and my spot on the couch is calling to me, complete with my blanket! Time for me to become a couch potato for a bit — I hope I can kick this cough and sinus infection soon. The weather is truly turning to spring now, and I want to take my spuds out to play!

I am hoping to share my thought process here about decisions I make, both big and small, about the Potatohead family. Mr. Potatohead and I are pretty conservative, just so you know, and our rule of thumb is that it takes two “yeses” to make a change, and just one “no” to stop it. This is how we approach things from “Should we get bunk beds for the kids?” (yes, yes) to “Are we ready for a new Spud?” (no, no), and even “Should I grab that Pirate Easter basket that was 50% off, with the eye patch and the telescope?” (no, yes). So, we have bunkbeds, we don’t have a new spud, and we don’t have the pirate Easter basket (but we are agreed that if it drops to 75% off, we’ll get it!) Decisions that will probably be visited or revisited here include expanding our family, home-schooling v. private schooling v. public schooling, house purchasing, house location, and how much I should spend on shameless yarn acquisition.

House location is an interesting one to us, and probably at the forefront of our minds currently. I mentioned before that I am a stay-at-home mom, and Mr. Potatohead works from home. This means that we can live anywhere with a good solid broadband connection. We Potatoheads like it warm, so we’re looking for something in a temperate climate, where the winter doesn’t get too cold (we are just fine with never seeing snow) and the summer doesn’t get too sweltering — if we had to choose, though, we’d take too hot over too cold. And we also would like things on the cheaper range of cost of living. The one bad thing about working from home is that you don’t get a higher wage when moving to a more expensive area, because it’s not like the office is sending you there. So, we’re looking for affordable living (decent houses going for $120-$150k) in nice weather, good schools, safe neighborhoods…. we’re not asking for much, are we? Anyway, if you know of someplace like this, let us know! And if you don’t, well, still stop by once in a while, and say hi!